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Thursday, June 10, 2010, 11:32 AM
tunggal. dun tink i updated u guys bout my tunggal/women artistic solo event did i? well i din win..like i hope to.. but i got into finals, 6th place out of 15.. well its an improvement as compared to last year.. i din forget my moves. for both pool & finals, i gave my all.. but unfortunately, the tittle hv been predetermined & i din quite mk it for the remaining 2 spots.i din show it, i was upset..my gut feeling was right, tts y i wasnt there to hear the results. i jux din expect it to be tt bad.. was i that bad?
funny how my coach tried to mk his prediction sound sweet. he doesnt wan me to feel down. he knew i wun win. but he told me tiz "jux give all yur best. show em how well u can play. the results u can not care *sighs* jux dun tink bout e result. jux perform & hv fun".
i did exactly wat he said.. perform my best n not care bout e result.. & kp myself focused for my fight on the same dae itself..but honestly, its hard to kp it in...bt i kept it in..i hv no regret..
so now e question is should i cont tunggal nxt yr?
u dun see it...i dun enjoy doing tunggal.. i dun want to, i have to...
eversince the first time i watched the silat comp, i told myself frm the begining, tunggal isnt my thing. i was not interested at all..
i remember th first time i had to do tunggal for PSK & i was scared to sae no. how much i dreaded it. how i kept complaining to mama i dun wanna do it while i was training at hm. bt mama said "since yur doing it now, then jux do it all the way. & mk sure u do it gd."
i trained hard, was given freaking 4 weeks to memorize everyting. i learned the tembung steps 5 days b4 actual comp. i made sure i did it good. wats e pt of joining if u duwan win right? well i got 4th where i cld hv gotten better.....i forgot...
then i came to TP...my main motive to join TPsilat in my first yr & actually start training b4 skl even start is because i wanted to compete in class A tanding. bt i wasnt given tt spot bt was given tunggal instead, i wanted to sae no, bt heck i din spend 3months training for nuting. so i took it.all the time i trained for it, i forced myself to. i din enjoy every single bit of it. there's no passion in every moves i did. & to my biggest regret, after all tt hard work, i forgot AGAIN..
so tiz yr i did tunggal not becoz i wan to, but i hv to..its like e redemption. i need to prove to myself that i can do tiz. & i hv accomplished tt..
so should i come bk again next yr to chase after the medal?? or should i drop tt & chase after another medal tt would mean more to me, ganda?? it has been my passion, my dream to hv a ganda team n excel in it. but i was never given e chance to do so..
~ & u noe, wat upsets me is the thot that i can never do wat i want coz i hv to go about chasing after the goal ppl set for me...